Marmite Sunday will be the day from hell. It begins on 5pm when Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, will appear on BBC1’s The One Show. She will be wearing an impeccable hat by Philip Treacy, blue skinny jeans and tortoiseshell sunglasses. And the country is in the grip of an intensely annoying and pressing political problem. But all of that’s pretty fixed. The real worry now is what Camilla might do next. Is she going to take a tumble in her Dolce & Gabbana trenchcoat? Meet someone in her designer shoes? Run away through a field of wheat like an angry Mata Hari? There is only one obvious course of action. Of course she is going to Marmite her way through the streets of the UK in her Union Jack sailor top. There is nothing more important for any well-thinking woman than to take the opportunity presented by the people’s new opinion – and being asked to wear a skimpy royal uniform – to walk boldly into a sea of idiots, and then walk out again when that sea is suddenly all very real. Call Camilla’s outfit and look for something to go with it. There is, you may surmise, no such thing as a bad bag of seasoning.
Note of caution: tomorrow @realDonaldTrump is due to give the first of what is tipped to be many speeches about his relationship with European friends. Avoid all news.